The Monona Rag

Dealing the Dish on Monona, Wisconsin

Monona WikiLeaks Cables Revealed

Last night the following cables were sent to us by a reader of the Rag. We have struck the names of innocent parties.

PS – Does the recipe for Tom and Jerry’s sound right? Does anyone have other drinks they like at the holidays?

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Thursday, 21 October 2010
S E C R E T SECTION OF 05 Monona City Hall 00381
SONON, FORNON

To:  [NAMES REDACTED]

From [NAME REDACTED]
EO 12958 DEC: 2:12 am
TAGS: GOVT, TEA, MG, JDM, RAG, BEN, JERRY
SUBJECT: CITY-SCHOOL RELATIONS: THE VIEW FROM CITY HALL

Classified:  Secret

Summary

1. (C/NF) Summary. Monona’s relationship with the Monona Grove School district is complex. A combination of these factors has created the vacuum for the Monona Rag to prosper.  We must consider finding Janus Dent Masters and stopping the roots of mononaphillia before it grows.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

2. (B/TF) This rise of popularity of the Rag is of growing concerns and we must consider several different options to stop the blog sphere.  I propose three options:

  • Discover who JDM is and have them arrested for a serious of scandalous crime(s).
  • Find and hold “super friendly horse” until such time as the owner comes forward, which is purportedly, JDM.
  • Discover JDM and use him/her for our own purposes.

3.  (C/NF) JDM treats Monona policy as his/her own political game tactically and day-to-day. I have no knowledge of his/her intent our agenda.

4.  Distressingly, I have lost the recipe for homemade Ben and Jerry’s, do you or your staff have one available? NOTE:  The mix at Licallia’s is just awful.

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Friaday, 16 November 2010
S E C R E T SECTION 03 OF 05 Nichols School 0372

To:  [NAMES REDACTED]

From [NAME REDACTED]

EO 17458 , 4:09 am
TAGS: JDM, BEN, JERRY, TOM, RAG, MG, MO
SUBJECT: JDM and RAG The view from MGSD
CLASSIFIED:
Secret

Summary: We must move quickly to stifle the silliness coming out of Monona Rag. The teacher’s union does not think highly of recent and past statements.  The Rag means to help, but it does not help.

A DIFFICULT TASK

1.      (CN)  I agree we must move quickly to stop the Rag, the is all very frustrating.  The current state we are in cannot continue.  Finding JDM must come before any attempts at arrest.  I have done a through investigation:

  • [NAME REDACTED] is convinced that JDM is originating in Cottage Grove or is a former citizen of the district.
  • [NAME REDACTED] is sure that JDM is a former city administrator or elected official.
  • [NAME REDACTED] is sure she spoke to someone, a male who admitted being JDM at the Beer Tent on July 3th in Monona at around 12:34am.  He was very good-looking, light complexion, had a limp and a slight European accent.  LKJ cannot recall who she was speaking to the next morning and does not remember today.
  • [NAME REDACTED] from the city council is certain that JDM has been fixing the pie party and chili cook-off behind the scenes for years.  This is little help to me or you.
  • [NAME REDACTED] is certain as to who JDM is and what the agenda is but also claims he/her is a member of the Genovese crime family and will not name names.

2.      I suggest we do not bother the super friendly horse; political fallout would be grave.

3.      It is a Tom and Jerry’s not Ben and Jerry’s.  We have spoken about this before you do not recall last new year’s eve?  Recipe Follows:

  • 12 eggs seperated
  • 3.5 lbs BAR sugar (castor sugar)
  • 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • Beat egg yoks with 3lbs of sugar and nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves until thick and light
  • Seperatly, beat egg whites with cream of tartar until soft peaks form
  • Gradually beat in remaining sugar into egg whites
  • Beat Egg Whites until stiff
  • Gently fold Egg Whites into Yokes.
  • To make the classic Tom and Jerry:
  • Preheat a 6oz mug with hot water and drain
  • add 1 HEAPING dessert spoon of batter mix
  • add 1/2 oz JAMACAIN RUM
  • add 1/2 oz good BRANDY
  • Fill mug with boiling water or hot coffee.. or hot milk.
  • Stir
  • Dust with a pinch of nutmeg.

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Thursday, 17 November 2010,
S E C R E T SECTION OF 05 Monona City Hall 00381
SONON, FORNON

To:  [NAMES REDACTED]

From [NAME REDACTED]
EO 2358 DEC: 12/14/2010 2:44 am
TAGS: GOVT, TEA, MG, JDM, RAG, BEN, JERRY, TOM
SUBJECT: JDM & MONONA RAG

Classified:  Secret

Summary

(C/NF) Summary. Location of JDM is now known, but not identity. Future actions are outlined including arrest.

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1. (B/TF) JDM is operating out of 4505 Monona Dr.

I suggest we have JDM arrested and charged with one or more:

  • Arrest JDM for indecent exposure-nude sunbathing at Schulter Beach yesterday morning.
  • Arrest JDM for not owning opinions and hiding in a closet-not sure if it is a crime.
  • Arrest JDM for fixing pie party and chili cook-off (we may need support of FBI.)

2.      (F/U/N)  Do I have to use ½ Jamaican Rum?  Can I increase the amount of rum – two jiggers of Korbel?

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Sunday, 19 November 2010,
S E C R E T SECTION OF 05 Monona City Hall 00381
SONON, FORNON

To:  [NAMES REDACTED]

From [NAME REDACTED]
EO 5536-9 DEC: 12/16/2010 1:06 am
TAGS: GOVT, TEA, MG, JDM, RAG, BEN, JERRY, TOM, TAN
SUBJECT: JDM & MONONA RAG

Classified:  Secret

Summary

(R/AF) Summary. Raid on 4505 Monona Dr. failed to locate JDM or Super Friendly Horse.

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1. (A/PP) Raid of location failed to turn up JDM. Suspect she/he had advance notice of raid.

2. (HF/I) Next steps:

  • Search location for evidence / clues. Chad Speight for alderman sign found at scene might be relevant.
  • Order destruction of building based upon safety code violations.
  • Continue search.

3.      (F/U/N)  Putting in more rum is always a good option.

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6 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. Anonymous

     /  December 17, 2010

    Pretty funny, but I wanted to find out what alder has a full time blonde bomshell nurse. Maybe in the second batch of documents.

  2. secret section of city hall, what the heck?

  3. HUNK OF BURNIN LOVE

     /  December 17, 2010

    Is this all true?

  4. Goat on a Boat

     /  December 17, 2010

    This is great stuff! LOL!!!!

  5. SFH Supporter

     /  December 17, 2010

    I like how they need to avoid bothering Super Friendly Horse or else face ‘grave political fallout’. Awesome.

  6. strange

     /  December 17, 2010

    I am waiting to hear what Craig and the Mayor have to say about the above.

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