I whine about my parents. But I have to admit, they are not always that bad. Not when I consider some of the mentally-stunted losers I’ve met who are parents to my friends and classmates. I sometimes wonder what made some of these people actually breed. I guess alcohol or drugs or boredom played a major role. My friend Jenna’s dad – I mean, seriously, who would want to have sex with that guy? And not just once, but for a lifetime. Now I’m just getting gut-churning images in head. I have to stop on that subject.
So, just what the hell are some of these parents in Monona thinking? You’re guess is as good as mine. It’s like a disaster train gone wild.
So, here we go. Some tips for parents. Read them. Take them to heart. Most of you probably need them. Badly.
- Dads, don’t walk around the house with no shirt on when you have visitors (and for the sake of your family, don’t do EVER). It’s just gross. It’s not cute or funny. It’s gross.
- Moms (and dads), pick up a fashion magazine once in a while. Your hair style from 1995 isn’t working anymore.
- Don’t make racial jokes or comments in my presence. You’d be surprised how many times I’ve been at a friend’s house and I’ve heard parents making stupid race-related comments.
- Jean shorts and wife beaters. What the hell is up with these? Haven’t these been mocked enough for about a decade. Burn them.
- Don’t take pride in your ignorance. Putting down things that you know nothing about is just stupid. Trumpeting these facts to the world even more so.
- Don’t yell at the coaches or the referees at sporting events. You just look like a jerk.
- For the vast majority of you, do not try and talk music with me. It will only end up badly.
- Always have a copy of the Princess Bride available. No matter what happens you can play the Princess Bride and everyone will, eventually, come in and watch it. Even my stupid little brother.
See ya later, fools.