A local Monona Pony Rescue group has admitted that most of the recorded rescues over the past five years were, in fact, local politicians in ‘really convincing’ pony costumes. It also announced an immediate overhaul of its admission procedures.
“It’s quite difficult to spot a real pony from a fake one,” said a spokesperson for ‘Save the Ponies Sanctuary’. “Especially when 50 of them turn up at the gate. Our policy is to ask questions later – although with hindsight the fact that some of the animals could actually answer our questions was a bit of a giveaway.”
It seems the ‘ponies’ were actually former members of the Monona City Council and Monona Grove School Board. It appears they were having a difficult time dealing with life as a ‘normal’ citizen.
Dr. Frederick Hoffensburger of the UW Psychology Department explains. “It’s not uncommon for a publicly elected official to suffer depression and uncertainty after their term ends,” said Hoffensburger. “They are no longer called by the newspapers for quotes. Citizens stop coming by their homes. They have no email to respond to. They are no longer the star. It’s a big lose for some people.”
So why a pony? Why not some other animal?
Perhaps they are drawn to the Sanctuary by its beautiful location on the water, as well as the excellent medical facilities. “We got to walk around a small field on all fours and be stared at by visitors,” said one former member of the Monona Grove School Board. “And in stable number 3, we had Internet access, phone, and cable TV. It was pretty sweet.”
Another former local politician said he enjoyed the attention. “Kids would come up to you and give you apples and sugar cubes,” he explained. “They’d pet your back and tell you what a good horse you were. That was nice.”
Super Friendly Horse offered his take. “Everyone loves a pony,” he said. “They’re cute. They’re goofy. They’re fun. It’s not a shock someone would pick a pony as a vehicle to find love and meaning in life.”
The director of Steve’s Cat Home was sympathetic: “I understand with an animal that size how you might get tricked,” he said. “But it’s never happened to us. Well, except for that time when a particularly long-haired cat we reared for four years turned out to be someone’s unwanted child. But people do crazy things.”