The Monona Rag

Dealing the Dish on Monona, Wisconsin

Tag: Taps

Maywood makes mistake of showing ‘Taps’ on last day school

Maywood School, the beloved institution of several generations of Monona kids, closed tragically when students went crazy after watching the film ‘Taps’, starring Timothy Hutton, Sean Penn and Tom Cruise.

The 1981 film depicts the takeover of a military academy by cadets after they find out the school is going to be closed.

Apparently inspired by the film, K-2 students rebelled, seizing control of the school and sending adults out the front door.

The takeover was reportedly led by 2nd grader Brian Moreland, along with 1st grader Maria Lopez.

Reports are hazy as to the chain of events, but apparently the students were swept up in a sort of mass hysteria after watching the film.

“After the movie they just started acting crazy,” said principal Ann Schroeder. “We tried time outs, but nothing worked.”

“And then they got into the juice,” said a teacher, who wished to remain anonymous.

Some students, in the initial chaos of the events, broke into the kitchen and liberated dozens of cartons of juice boxes, passing them to the rest of the kids. In the sugar-induced frenzy that followed, the students broke into Groundskeeper Willie’s shed, getting hold of dozens of weapons, including pistols, rifles and machine guns. The combination of a sugar, guns and Hollywood mind manipulation sent the kids over the edge and the take over was on.

“They came to my room and told me to leave now,” said another teacher. “I wasn’t going to argue since they had a machine gun. The only thing I had was the Glock I keep in my desk drawer.”

As word of the armed take over spread, police from six different communities arrived, blocking off the area and surrounding the now besieged school.

2nd grader Brian Moreland delivered a crayon-written statement to authorities, demanding that Maywood be kept open indefinitely. He said the children were prepared to hold out in the school as long as it took, and that they would fight back if any actions were taken to wrest control of Maywood from them.

‘Stop coprat terany!!!’ said one of several notes sent by the rebellious students.

Police attempted to talk students into surrendering, bringing forth several parents to plead and threaten via a bullhorn.

“I’ll kick your ass, you punk,” shouted Manny Davenport to this son, Robert. Robert replied with an obscene gesture and went back to his juice box.

“Maywood forever,” shouted some other kids.

The standoff ended peacefully after the kids came down from their sugar rush and began a collective nap. Authorities swooped in and sent the sleeping kids home with their parents, concluding the drama without further incident.

With the crisis under control, questions are now being asked about whose bright idea it was to show ‘Taps’ to the children. Maywood teachers remain quiet on the subject, only say, “Hey, it was rated ‘R’.”

School authorities said that vandalism was minimal, and aside from the juice box raid and all the frozen treats, nothing else was taken.